I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
