It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
