i will never coherently bang her
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
