He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I would fuck him just for his dog
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
