I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So much Jack, so little girl.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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