And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
