My boss' voice literally gives me gas
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
