gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
