he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
