respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
