i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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