If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
