Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
