piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
