Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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