if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
