Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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