I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
