I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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