On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
