I want to stick my p in your. b.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
