the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
