I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
