Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
