Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
