she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Someone signed my nipple.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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