She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
