she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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