i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
