a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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