You just made me feel so damn special
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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