YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
