dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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