He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
