also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Help. Why am I so naked?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
