This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
