dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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