Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
