No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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