We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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