My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
