That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
