My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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