he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
