Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
