Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
