Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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