Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw a hot homeless man
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
