She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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