There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
