that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
